Funerals Are for the Living- Party at mine!

I have been to a lot of funerals in my life. At least more than I ever wanted to go to. Most were older people who had lived relatively long lives, though some were far too young to die. This is not really about the people who died but more about the list I started compiling things that I want to happen at my funeral and the things I don’t want to happen. This is a true list I keep in the notes section on my phone and I add to it at each funeral. People that have seen it think I am crazy but don’t really disagree with me on the points I have brought up.

So, the first funeral I went to that I can remember was my grandma she was my stepdad’s mom. She was a funny lady who had the hardiest laugh, I remember being so sad and everyone at her funeral was so sad. I wish there had been more laughter. She was always laughing or making others laugh. In my journal I wrote, we should have more storytelling and laughter at my funeral. I live my life for happiness I know others will be sad I am no longer there but I want to be remembered for my laughter.

The next funeral was also a grandma, my mom’s mom. This funeral had a few things that will forever stick with me. One memory was they cremated her and put her in a small cement box because she was afraid of water and they didn’t want water to get to her ashes. This made me put down a note to my loved ones. I am dead I don’t care. Be respectful and frugal except for flowers I want lots of flowers. The other stand out was her service was in the backyard. She was not religious and we didn’t pretend she was. We got some chairs and sat outside for a simple service. The last thing that will forever stand out was my grandma’s husband. He was not a good husband in my eyes till she got sick, then he doted on her. In fact, before the funeral, he pierced his nipples with safety pins and hung their wedding rings on them as a grand gesture. So please at my funeral no grand gestures. No piercings or tattoos for the service. Buy big flower bouquets and save those grand gestures for later after some thought and grieving have occurred.

I also attended the funeral of my baby sister she was 17 and I was 25. This was by far the saddest most tragic funeral to date I have attended. This post is not about that, it will come later. This is about how the embalming fluid swells you and made her look like she had a double chin. I will tell you what on this horrible sad occasion when my eyes were never dry I saw this and laughed a little at the fact that my sister would have been furious we let her look like that. So, on my list, I added, do liposuction use tape, or set me upright because I do not want a double chin at my funeral.

My sister actually had two services. One was out of state where she passed away living with her dad. Then we cremated her, brought her home, and had another service the following week. The Pastor at my sister’s church performed that service. I have seen him perform several services and a couple of weddings over the years. He is a kind man but, wow are his services long. Even if he didn’t know the person well, he finds a way to turn the funeral into a Sunday service and it is so long. After my sister’s service, I added no pastors especially him to my list. I just want a eulogy and some fun stories.

The next thing on my list is no children speakers. Children love their family members and those they have lost. They are grieving and sticking a microphone in their face and telling them to share how they feel is not right. Most kids don’t like to speak in front of others and when they are standing next to the casket of a loved one is definitely not where their public speaking skills will come out. I want level-headed people to speak. The repass is a good place where everyone can talk about how awesome I am, or tell a story of something horrible I did, I am sure there will be a buffet of stories to tell and memories to share.

One standout funeral was my Grandpa my adopted mom’s dad. He was loved in his community by his biker friends so after his long service performed by the pastor mentioned above he drove off in style, on a flatbed attached to a motorcycle. He rode on this contraption in his coffin about 10 miles to the gravesite where we placed him next to my grandma. That was memorable. I do want my funeral to be memorable so maybe sitting me upright is the way to go.

Funerals are for the living. They are a time to gather and grieve and reminisce over the dead. At my funeral please find the best picture of me no matter the age. Make me look good if we do a viewing, no double chin. I am not against plastic surgery. Don’t spend too much on a casket but plenty on flowers. Let there be music, tacos, and lots of laughter.