God Didn’t Make Me Thin Because He Knew I Would Run Around Naked!

You know that girl that can just wear anything and look great. She is the one that guys pine over the one that people write songs and poems about. The girl that can eat anything never has to run it off after. The one that says I look so fat while wearing a size two thru eight. Well, I am not that girl. I am proud to be her friend, sister, cousin, aunt, and someday her mother. I just have never been her.

You know that girl the one at the gym that is really overweight killing it on the elliptical. The one you want to go up to and high five because she has finally decided to take charge of her life and lose some weight. That girl that looks like she may just die right now, well that’s me. I did not just decide to take charge of my life. I have always been in charge of my life. I also have been going to the gym and doing 5K runs and 20-mile bike rides for about five years and yes, I still am super overweight. You know why because I don’t.

I was a cute baby and a cute kid. I am still cute I just never lost my baby fat. It turned into not-so-cute adult fat. I was a chubby kid not too big but never small. I would go into changing rooms with my best friend who was always tiny and beautiful we would do the bathing suit shopping thing me, my one-piece gut hider, and her two-piece string thing. Oh, how jealous I was. Never mad at her just envious, I wanted to have small thighs and a big butt and medium-sized boobs. One place I never lacked extra chub was in the boobies. I had larger ones than the teachers.

In high school I was active. I participated in all PE classes. I did extra physical activities. To tone up I took a college weightlifting class. I ate less than everyone and I worked out at home in secret like crazy. I went from a size 16 to a size 12. I never made it out of the double digits. My girlfriends all wore a size two and were barely over 100lbs and I was 150 lbs. at seventeen years old. I was pretty solid not super flabby but my weight never went down.

I was so excited when I went prom shopping and I did not have to get a dress from the plus-size section. I did have to wear suck-you-up underwear that I am sure no other teens were wearing and It was so tight I could barely breathe. But I thought I looked beautiful. I have pictures still over twenty years later and I still think I looked beautiful. It has always been my goal to get back to that. I have the picture on my fridge as a reminder.

Looking back now a size twelve though ten sizes bigger than my girlfriends was just fine with me. I just wanted to be confident. I never wanted to be super skinny just comfortable in my skin. Then it was not about health it was about vanity, not super vanity I just wanted to feel pretty. Now it is about health and wanting to feel pretty.

After high school adult life kicked in. I went the work and marriage route VS college. I packed on 50lbs before I even knew it. The Christmas six months after graduation I went to go look at Christmas lights and wanted to wear something other than my sweat pants and nothing fit. I cried that night. I told everyone I didn’t feel well and wanted to stay home. The truth was I couldn’t find anything to wear. That night was a low but not my lowest because over the four years I would go through ups and downs in my weight as well as my marriage. I would pretend to be happy and gain weight just so I didn’t have to admit I made a mistake in my life and get a divorce. Eventually, my sadness and loneliness caught up with me and the reality of divorce could not be dodged.

After my marriage ended, I lost about 30lbs which took me to 220 lbs. you got that right during my marriage I gained almost 100 lbs. I was so excited by the weight loss. I had lost those 30 lbs. doing nothing but drinking at bars and dancing all night and eating fried late-night foods. So as you may have guessed that weight loss was short-lived. Once I got my mind right. Started sleeping regular hours and stopped partying the weight came back. There I was at 250lbs, divorced, living out of state from my family, and sad.

I decided to move home and try to get my life right. Now, don’t you think I was a Debbie downer because I was not? I have never spent life in a sad mode. I accept and move on. I accepted my divorce. We are still friends. I accepted my weight shit; we are still friends. I am a happy person, in general, I learn from mistakes I and others make and try to live a positive and accepting life. I dated; men still liked me because of my heart I have been told. I am a pretty girl just a heavy one and not too shabby in the sac either. I am adventurous and funny. I will do anything for anyone and I expect nothing from anyone.

So now I am in m mid-twenties dating a great man that I would eventually marry and I was happy. My weight had just stabilized at 255lbs and stayed there for years. I ate pretty much what I wanted and did not exercise at all. I did gradually cut out processed foods but that was about it. My husband worked out constantly though eating well was not really for him. When we got married I was so happy. I was fat and so was he. When we look back at our wedding photos, we laugh about how happy and fat we were. We were also smokers just really bad habits. So, about a year or so after we were married things changed.

My husband had picked bike riding as a hobby. He had quit smoking and I still had not done either. He would ride with friends and his brother but just like most hobbies, his riding companions gave up. He would complain all the time about how he had no one to ride with. So, to get him to stop complaining I asked if he wanted me to go with him. He laughed but said sure. I said well let me borrow a bike because I am not buying one unless I am sure I am going to really commit to this. That was the frugal girl in me. So I borrowed a good friend’s beach cruiser with three gears and bought a helmet because I wanted to be cautious. And off I went.

The weight loss was gradual it didn’t all happen overnight. But I started out at 260lbs in May and by December I was at 210lbs. People close to me started to notice after the first 25lbs. Then random people I knew would say something all the time after 50 lbs. I plateau there for a while but then changed it up with weight watchers and the loss happened more. I got down to 185lbs and I was so happy. I took selfies all the time. I wore thigh-high boots and bought size twelve pants and short shorts and dresses. I was so happy in my life. I had quit smoking, I was working out with my husband regularly, and he had lost 75 lbs. as well from his highest weight. We were only missing one thing, a baby. During eight years of the ten, we had been together we had tried it just never happened. We decided we would try medical intervention again since we were both in a healthier place and were getting older.

And the miracle happened. We got pregnant!! I had gained about 10lbs in the getting pregnant process due to medications and a little stress so the beginning weight was 195lbs. the start of the pregnancy was good I was not gaining weight too fast and I continued to work out. My doctor wanted me to not exceed a heart rate of 120 BPM but I still ran and took long walks for fear of gaining weight. I knew it was not a good idea but neither was being fat. I would talk to our baby about how we were going to be healthy and how we were going to work out and about life. I would tell the baby that having a good heart was the most important thing, but that health was also very important. And as the months went on my weight stayed up. I was doing four-mile walks at the mall on a very regular basis and still gaining weight. My eating habits were still relatively good but the weight just came coming. My doctor never made a comment about my weight it was mostly me talking about it. The day my daughter was born I was 250lbs. I had not reached my highest weight but I had gotten pretty close.

Three weeks after my C-section delivery I had lost 35lbs of weight and I ran/walked a 5k for Thanksgiving. I continued to try to fit workouts in but it was really hard with a newborn. I was having a really hard time with breastfeeding so I could not even do that to help with some calorie burn. Months went by and I was trying to get a workout in here or there but nothing consistent. So now my daughter was 5 months old and I was at 225lbs. I had formed a casual friendship with my daycare provider Shonna and she knew I enjoyed working out but was having a hard time fitting it into my schedule so she kept gently nudging me toward a group of women she enjoyed working out with. I finally gave in and went to my first group workout.

I enjoyed the group workouts and did them a few days a week. I even joined a weight loss challenge and won $900.00. It was great my competitive nature helped me to win that money. I learned a lot about circuit training, and how strong I was. I even did a Mudderella, which is a mud run for women. That is a story for another day. I learned how much I enjoyed working out as a group, I loved encouraging the other women, and I pushed myself harder. Eventually, I stopped going t those workouts. They were outdoors and the weather turned bad. I loved the group I was in and the leader but the actual person who ran the program was not my favorite. It became a little catty and cliquey for my taste. I kept working out with Shonna though and a group of other moms in her daycare. She became one of my biggest supporters and a great friend.

The garage workouts with the moms from my daycare also came to an end with busy schedules and life hassles. I crept back up in weight, gaining 20 lbs. I had lost during the challenge. I kept doing activities and trying to eat healthier but not really being consistent. Time flew by, three years from my daughter’s birth passed and I still had the weight, sometimes down 15 lbs. sometimes back to the 230 range. Then a few years I found a program that taught me weight loss was not just about weight but mindset. Once I did that, I have been able to drop an additional 50 LBS that I have kept off for two years now.

My journey is still in process, my transformation will never be complete. I am learning how important I am and how much better I should treat myself. I will post separately about the program just know I think it is a godsend because it works on you physically and mentally. It also brought me to my Health Coach Bruce Pitcher. He helped me to learn to believe in myself. And to let me know that it is ok to be competitive, especially with yourself.

What I have learned about weight is, man is it hard to lose once you gain. It is hard for some to gain. Weight can ruin your outlook on life if you let it. I chose to not let it. I am not happy with my weight, but I chose to be a happy person. I will never be really thin, but I will be strong, I will be fit, and I will be healthy. I chose to live a positive and healthy life long ago and it has never steered me wrong.

My quote about my weight is “God didn’t make me thin because he knew I would run around naked.”